Super stressful day today. My boss actually offered me a big raise yesterday. That was awesome. But the job has just been so stressful any way you slice it: extreme drama/difficulties with a coworker, working for a friend, having to pick up the slack where positions haven’t been filled. I’m supposed to work part-time. But I put in 52.5 hours this week. I’m exhausted. It was too much.

I have never made the amount of money she has offered. It’s mind boggling how I could so easily support me and the baby on part time hours. And I can work from home 99% of the time. I could have even more babies. (Just kidding). But the tradeoff is all the stress. It seems like my milk supply is even struggling the past few days.

So. I have a lot to think about. One thing I’m thinking about is asking Baby’s father for some support. I keep going back and forth about it.

Sometimes it helps to name my worst fear.

My worst fear is sharing custody with someone who will say negative things about me in front of the baby. And that the baby will acquire a very shaken sense of well-being while being shuttled back and forth between sensations of mother or father loss depending on the day.

What a life this is.


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