Natural/Unnatural

“Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.” Frank Lloyd Wright
Today I had to run several errands while having the baby with me. I thought it would be fun for him to be out and about and among lots of people. It wasn’t like it was the first time or anything. But today I go the distinct feeling that the sights and sounds were just…overstimulating. I felt like we should be off in the woods somewhere or on a farm or somewhere else quieter and more beautiful – and not in the beeping and buzzing grocery and drug stores. But maybe it’s just me projecting that on him because I do feel pretty overstimulated in those places lately. I should mention that the CVS and Whole Foods near me are pretty big and busy ones…maybe that makes a difference.
This is a feeling that is growing for me lately. The feeling of nursing him while wearing a suit that I mentioned in my last post. Or the look on his face when he wakes up in a store full of bright and eye catching displays. It just feels so wrong and I can’t shake it. It feels almost damaging. I’m not sure what to do about it though. And I do LOVE my city. My connection to my city feels like a religion or something. So I want him to be able to thrive here…and places like here. I need to figure out how to find some balance… And yet again I think – if I had a partner I would talk this over with him. I imagine that could be such a great comfort. I guess I have to find comfort in the adventure of it being all up to me.
This makes me feel better though: my baby smiling in his sleep.
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The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. -M. Scott Peck, psychiatrist and author (1936-2005)

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