Henpecking the single mom.

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I’ve noticed since I became a mom – since I announced my pregnancy in fact – that people started treating me with less respect than I had become used to. I was forced out of my job due to my pregnancy, friends told me to have an abortion when I cheerfully announced my pregnancy to them (which is why I stopped telling people I was pregnant until the baby was born), when I was hugely pregnant people would not offer their seat on the bus or train (and let me tell you, when you no longer have any strength in your abs standing up on a bus or train is crazy dangerous), other tenants in my building blame me and baby for everything (the utility bills being high, the trash can being full, anytime anyone uses the washing machine – they assume it is my fault and they harass me for it. It’s totally nuts in this building). Then yesterday the landlord came into my apartment without notifying me ahead of time. I realized it when I got home later and things were moved. Including? My journal.

I was absolutely furious. Have you ever tried taking care of a baby when you are that mad? It’s not a pretty picture. Even after filing a police report I’m just left feeling so henpecked by all of these experiences. It has been kind of awful. If only I could just get a break from these shameless people. I wonder if times are changing toward this kind of attitude or if they have always been this way. It’s just hard to be cheerful and perky after all of the above. Some good friends boost my faith in humanity but it often feels like a wash at the end of the day with others around me crumbling my faith.

I’m trying to keep my head up and I’m making new friends – consciously and carefully trying to rebuild a community. Hopefully doing it better this time. It sometimes feels hard to make friends when I feel so rubbed raw by all of the experiences I mentioned – it’s hard to relax and feel like myself. I’ve also been looking for a new place to live for a while now. It is not a renters market in my area these days though. Any other moms out there ever feel henpecked, like a second class citizen or like you are forever last in line? Is this a single mom thing? Or do I just have incredibly bad luck right now? I feel like I go off on these rants a lot. But it just seems like another silly thing keeps happening right after the last silly thing.

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8 thoughts on “Henpecking the single mom.

    • Congratulations, Anca! 🙂 …not on the knowing The Feels, but on your impending miniature human. I’m sorry you know what Beck’s going through, because UGH. Just…people are awful. But yes, congratulations on the tiny person who will be rocking your world so soon! I hope this last leg of your journey is awesome and stress-free. (And if you’re collecting positive birth stories let me know, I’ll chip in! I found that hearing GOOD stories was super helpful and that so many women are super keen to terrify new moms-to-be with just awful stories – as if you’re not stressed out enough…. )

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      • Thank you, Kim, for your nice, encouraging words! My spirits are up and down a lot, and although I really try to stay positive, sometimes it’s easier said than done. I would love a good birth story, I am “collecting” them – you are so funny! I’m trying to read a lot of them in preparation for my own

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      • I will fire you off an email, hopefully this week! “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” is a good read for good stories – the whole first half of the book is just birth stories, it’s pretty awesome. (I only made it through the first half before The Little Man decided it was time to arrive.)

        I really don’t love that you have a lot of down. I’m so sorry life bullshit is getting in the way of you enjoying all of this. But yes. I will email! (If the dude ever freaking naps…. Good grief.)

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  1. I am so pissed for you. Coming into your apartment, unannounced, when you’re not there. Fuck off. Like it’s not difficult enough to be single, living alone. But no. Let’s just enter, without due notice, the home you have worked to make safe for your son. Seriously. I get that he’s your LL, but that would make me so uneasy and I am livid that you have to deal with that. Such a load of shit.

    People are assholes. ❤

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    • It has been awful. It has been going on for a while but I’ve been able to let things go until that incident happened. The police have been out twice now to help. It’s nuts. They are miserable people and it’s sad how they take it out on me. I feel that single mothers can be easy targets at times – which is funny because I feel stronger than ever. Big surprise to people like them who expect to be able to easily steamroll me. It’s not pretty for them to have the police called on them and for me to embarrass them by asserting my rights as a tenant. They keep retaliating in these prank-ish ways and it’s just so pathetic – you wouldn’t even believe it. It’s so childish it’s almost funny.

      People are assholes sometimes.

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      • Do you have a “residential tenancy act” (here’s ours: http://www.ltb.gov.on.ca/en/Key_Information/STEL02_111677.html) to fall back on? I’m glad the police have been there. I expect that means there is a file now? That record could be helpful later on.

        I love that you’re stronger now than ever! I hear you. All of the crap you have to deal with certainly makes you less inclined to put up with more, doesn’t it? My tale’s a bit different, but I can tell you that I am neither scared of The Offending Party anymore, nor am I willing to put up with that BS anymore. I can’t. I have to be assertive and protect myself both for me and for TLM. He needs to know that he can’t treat people like that and that he can’t be treated like that. 🙂

        You’re awesome. So, so awesome! 🙂

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