It’s been just over a year since I started writing here. Life has gotten in some ways easier and in other ways harder since I started. I’ve been taking a break from writing for a while because I’m going through one of those places where the world is just really hard to take in right now. It’s really hard to make sense of so many current events in my head and feels completely impossible to turn around and write anything coherent about it.
I’ve never loved anyone so unconditionally as I do my child – and it has been equal parts freeing and breathtaking. It’s also not as easy to feel quite as safe and blind in the world anymore. Part of it is because I now have a glimpse through the eyes of a white mother of a multiracial child. Another part of it, I think, is more general and just comes with the territory of being a mother of any color to a child of any color: your mortality takes on a whole new meaning. I remember holding my hours-old baby and thinking …oh. Now I can never die. I have to and want to stay alive for as long as possible to take care of this being and be a part of his life and see him grow and thrive. Have you had a moment like that? Intense. It’s not like I walked around with a death-wish before I had him. But life never seemed so…precarious before now.
I think that’s all I can put into words right now. Thanks for being here.