I would not have described my pre-baby self as “lone wolf.” I’m sure deep down I was sliiiightly more introvert than extrovert…but I LOVED being out and about and social. Talking to strangers was one of my favorite things. Still is – though I have a little less energy for it these days. But motherhood – single motherhood – kind of forced me into a bit of a lone wolf life. At least from bedtime to sunrise. It was a big shock at first to be home all night every night. To not set a foot outside, not feel the evening air on my skin, not be in the night world of only adults. I’ve adjusted to this new normal though. Hell I was tired and could barely fathom going out alone in the evening anyway. Nights became my time to get work done and to read read read and watch lots of movies and TV. I made a living at night and learned to make it my “me time,” too.
After so long though, it has become wearying. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to talk normally to adults. I’m too animated, too loud, too shy, not aloof enough, too foot-in-mouth awkward. I feel good with toddlers but awkward with adults. (Luckily I find it comical). I am getting more and more practice lately since I have a sitter almost one night per week. It’s good. It still feels imbalanced but I’m playing my “long game” as a friend and I like to say.